Do you wish to stop comparing your life with that of others? How many times have you heard people say “Don’t compare your life with that of others”. It sounds like a piece of simple advice but I have come to realize that the comparison trap is real y’all.It can affect you badly if you are not careful!
I know at some point we all have fallen into this trap, we might have compared our lives with that of others and felt like we are not doing much. This then leads some to mount unnecessary pressure on themselves.
WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN TO COMPARE YOURSELF WITH ANOTHER?
According to the dictionary, to compare is to view something in relation to another. It’s to estimate, measure or note the differences or similarities between things or people.
To compare oneself to another is to try to measure your worth with that of others. You observe them and try to evaluate your own abilities or standard with theirs. Are they taller than me? Are they prettier? Are they chasing the same dreams as mine and how are they succeeding where I am failing?
Comparing yourself to another can be both constructive and destructive. Sadly the cons outweigh the pros.
What exactly does it mean to compare yourself to another, let us find out!
WHY DO WE KEEP COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHERS?
It’s a human thing to compare. According to the social comparison theory, social psychologist Leon Festinger stated that we humans have this drive to evaluate our opinions and abilities by comparing ourselves to others.
He also stated that it’s people with a common interest that tend to do the comparison. The tendency to compare oneself with another reduces as the differences become clear. A singer in the youth group would compare herself to another singer in the same youth group and not with the usherette. The usherette on the other hand would compare her ushering skills with that of another usherette. “Does she seem more friendly than me, do members ask her for help and not me, why is she always smiling at everyone”. Most times we do these unconsciously
IS IT WRONG TO COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS?
Before I answer this question let’s look at the two types of comparison.
- The Upward Comparison: This is when we compare ourselves to someone we consider better off. Two things are involved here: 1. You are either observing them so that you can evaluate yourself and see where you are lacking in order to improve. In essence, you see them as inspirations or motivations to do better. Most times you draw closer to them with the attitude of humility to learn from them. 2. Or you feel intimated by their abilities and whenever you are around them you feel inferior.
- The Downward Comparison: This is comparing self to someone considered worse off. The person doing the comparison do so to feel better about themselves. It makes them feel superior to the person they see as worse and treat them with contempt. If, by any chance that person starts climbing the ladder of success, they become a threat.
HONEST CONFESSION: I have done both comparisions. I have looked at some big bloggers and go "oh my,I can never do what they do.Look at the amount of engagement they get on every posts" I have also come across "little bloggers" and go "yep,I write way better than her/him".
So is it wrong if I compare myself to others?
The answer is why? Why are you comparing yourself to another? from your answer you will know.
I personally feel it’s wrong because most times we end up being unhappy and learning little.
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IS IT GOD’S WILL THAT WE LIVE A LIFE OF COMPARISON?
Although created by God, we all are wired differently. In you is a uniqueness that starts and ends only with you. It is not God’s desire that we spend our lifetime looking at other’s life wishing it was ours. He desires we grow into completion, reach our full potential and use our gifts to bring glory to His name and not to convert another man’s giftings.
In the popular parable of the talent, the servant with the one talent refused to use his cus he felt he had the smallest. The master gave everyone plenty and that’s why they are doing so much.
How many times have we sounded like this servant?
“Well, I can’t do much for God. He didn’t give me a good voice like Timothy who also knows how to play the drums, guitar, and piano and is an A student”
SOCIAL MEDIA AS A BAIT
The average youth spends not less than an hour on social media daily. This could be for entertainment, education or even business purposes. Either way, we are consuming a lot of ideas. We see the perfect feed of theirs and wish our lives were like theirs. Only a few post their failures. All we see are the edited and filtered highlights of their lives. Social media is one of the biggest baits that lead many into the comparison trap.
8 REASONS WHY COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS IS DANGEROUS
1. Comparison demands a lot of your attention:
When you start comparing your ministry or your life to that of others, you are gradually shifting your focus from God. You start paying more attention to others and you begin to magnify your flaws. God no longer has your attention because your mind is already preoccupied.
2. Comparing yourself to others drains you:
Comparison steals joy
mickey
Picture this:
You got back from another long lecture, you have tons of assignment to submit, you look around your room and it’s a mess. You have not had time to clean or cook. In the midst of your personal dilemma your phone beeps. Looks like someone has posted something on IG. Oh, it’s this other girl in your class, she’s having the best time of her life. She seems to have D’life.
You think to yourself “I am failing, I am wasting my youth”
Comparison steals one’s joy and drains your energy. It leaves you emotionally and mentally drained.
3. Comparison when mature gives birth to a competitive spirit:
When the heart of the one doing the comparison is not called to order the spirit of competition sets in. This is not the type of competition we see in sports, this is the type that exists among people. This kind has the tendency to ruin and make the best of friends enemies.
4. Comparison develops into Envy and Hatred:
Envy is a feeling of discontent or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck. It is also a painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage[merriam webster dictionary]
The more you compare yourself to others, the more your heart begins to long for what is theirs. You begin to see them as a threat when you realise you can’t be them or do what they do. Gradually, you develop a dislike for them and nothing they do is good in your eyes. “The attitude of competition, once it is taken too far, becomes violent. The only way a person can win is by beating down his advisory[Richard T. Ritenbaugh]
But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:14-16(NIV)
5. You will never be content if you keep comparing your life with that of others:
Those who spend time comparing their lives to that of others are never content. There’s always something wrong. It is either they are not pretty enough, smart enough etc. Comparison blinds them from seeing the talents and gifts God has given to them and they focus on another’s. In the quest to be perfect, some compromise godly standards just to fit in.
Of course, godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, sob we cannot carry anything out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these. 1Timothy 6:6-8
Comparison is like telling God He made a mistake in creating you the way He did
mickeygblogs
6. Comparison leads to stagnancy:
Rather than use our time to develop ourselves, and perfect our crafts or skills, we spend it watching someone’s “perfect” life or ministry on Facebook/ IG. Instead of moving forward with God’s plan for our lives, we are stuck in self-pity
7. Comparison Kills one’s confident:
As I mentioned earlier, as you compare your “little life/ministry” to that of another, you begin to magnify your flaws. You lose confidence in yourself, feel you won’t be able to attain certain levels because you are not Miss X or Mr Y.
You begin to accept the lies of the enemies and doubt the calling of God upon your lives.
8. Comparison breeds contempt:
It makes us not see the blessings we have. We despise the good things God has given us simply because we are craving to have what the other person has
When we compare ourselves to others, it makes us feel like we are lacking something in ourselves.
DIANE SHIRLAW-FERREIRA
PRACTICAL WAYS TO AVOID THE COMPARISON TRAP.
1. Embrace your Uniqueness:
Remember there’s only you. There was no one like you, there is no one like you and there won’t be anyone like you. You are unique and God created you with extraordinary gifts and abilities. Embrace this fact and walk in it. You are fearfully and wonderfully made
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14
2. Change Your Mentality:
Another Christian doing what you are doing is not your competitor. He/she is not a threat. We are all in the same team and we are each working to reconcile men to Christ.
If they are doing well in a certain area, draw closer to them and ask for help. Most successful people have gone through a lot and they have gained experience. learn from them!
3. Practice gratitude:
“Count your blessings name them one by one, count your blessings see what God has done. Count your blessings, name them one by one and it would surprise you what the Lord has done”
Practice gratitude, look at your life and thank God for bringing you thus far.
4. Read Your Bible:
Honestly, if we spend more time in the word, reading our bibles, we won’t fall into the comparison trap. The more we read scriptures the more we gain insights and the eyes of our understanding are enlightened. Envy, hatred, and strife are all fruits of the flesh, but those who walk in the spirit don’t have such manifesting in them so read your bible more
5. Pray:
Prayer and studying the scriptures go together. When we spend time in prayer(praying for ourselves and others) we won’t have time playing the comparison game
6. Take a break from Social Media:
This is easier said than done! Most of us are addicted to our phones and find it difficult to turn them off. Drop that phone for at least a day. Take a break from social media and breath. Be present, enjoy the blessings of God.
7.Grow where you’re planted:
When we compare ourselves with others, we are unconsciously putting ourselves under pressure. This might make us want to change course because we feel our calling is not making much impact. We can only impact lives if we stay where God has planted us and grow. Focus and stay on your lane, run the race set before you. In due time you will see results.
8. Celebrate your little wins:
Don’t overlook those little wins of yours. You reached a milestone or attained a certain level, no matter how small it looks,celebrate it. It’s a way of acknowledging yourself for your efforts, which can help motivate you to do better.
9.Complement/Congratulate Others:
It cost you nothing to compliment others on their hard work. Celebrate people, say nice things to them, be kind with your words. A simple compliment from you can make the other person’s day, don’t withhold it.
10: Encourage yourself in the Lord:
I am very much aware that it’s not easy to avoid the comparison trap. If you find yourself discouraged or sad, put on some praise songs, speak some words of affirmation, read the promises of God over your life and ministry etc. Delight yourself in God and encourage yourself to keep doing your best.
“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.”
someone
BIBLE PASSAGES ON COMPARISON:
- Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.[2 Corinthians 10:12]
- For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.[Galatians 1:10]
- You shall not covet your neighbour’s house; you shall not covet your neighbour’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbour’s.[Exodus 20:17]
- Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”[Hebrews 13:5]
- Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.[1 Corinthians 11:1]
- For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbour. For each will have to bear his own load.[Galatians 6:3-5]
- Do nothing from rivalry or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.[Philippians 2:3]
Prayer
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the gift of life, thank you for all the many blessings you’ve given me. Lord, I ask that you teach me to fix my gaze on you. Help me not to look at others and wish I was them. Let me grow where you’ve planted me. Help me celebrate others too. In Jesus name. AMEN!
